I have to admit, when writing this post I was surprised at the number of "dark side" items that I thought of! If you're working on planning your wedding (or are soon to be) then we can commiserate, and maybe I can help you avoid getting blindsided by decisions that you'll likely end up having to make.
P.S. These aren't the photos from my real wedding - they're from a super cool styled shoot by Kara Leigh Creative that Kenny and I modeled for back in March! If you love them, check out my post on the shoot. It was so much fun!
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| Kara Leigh Creative |
The very first rude awakening I was confronted with when I began planning my wedding was how EXPEN$IVE everything is! Like girl... it's unreal. I live in an area that I would consider to be on the lower end as far as vendor prices (photographers, venues, caterers, etc.) and some things were still much more expensive than I was expecting.
Your budget will be dependent on your guest count, and the two together will force you to narrow down your options pretty much as soon as you begin planning. But that's not to say that the lower-end options can't be just as good as the expensive ones; many of my vendors were among the least expensive ones available, and I couldn't have dreamed of better service than what they gave me. Plus, many will be open to working with your budget to come up with a proposal that works for you.
Determine what means the most to you and splurge there, then cut costs in other areas. For example, having amazing food was very important to me, so I had no issues about spending in that area. I chose a venue that would need very little decorating so I could save in that area. Then the day before the wedding, I signed a blank check to have my dad fill out to pay the reception venue for food and drinks after Kenny and I left, and told him not to tell me what the total turned out to be, ha!
2. Unprofessional vendors
BOY this one gets me heated... Fortunately, I only had to deal with one vendor that treated me
unprofessionally, but it was extremely off-putting and I will always tell people who are considering them the experience that I had with them.
This vendor (I'm going to keep their name/service anonymous) was the only one I was originally considering for this particular service for my wedding. I met with the manager and had a GREAT experience, we talked for well over an hour. They told me to feel free to meet with other vendors to "shop around," but at that point I was completely sold on them, and I told them that. I felt like they really understood what I was going for with my overall vision for my wedding, and I was certain that we'd make a great match. They also have experience working with several of the other vendors that I had already booked, so that was a bonus. They informed me that I was one of SEVEN other brides who was inquiring about their services for that date, but since I was the first to have contacted and met with them, they would give me priority for that date. They promised to get started working on a quote for me that day, so I was excited to work with them.
Two weeks later I hadn't heard back from them, so I reached out just to check on the status of my quote and make sure I hadn't missed an email from them or something. They responded informing me that it was their busy season and they were still working on my quote, but didn't give me a timeline on when I should expect to hear back from them. Fine by me, I'm not in the business so how I don't know how long these things typically take. KEEP IN MIND: This is one of the top, if not THE top vendor of this type in the area, so I had high expectations for them.
Flip the calendar forward SEVEN WEEKS (which is basically an eternity when you're trying to lock down vendors) from when I initially met with them (I had already moved on to other options at this point) and I finally got an email back. And do you know what these fools said to me? (This is a direct copy/paste from my email:) "...We didn't know if you want us to continue to give you a quote, or if you've decided to work with [another vendor]. If you're interested, we'd be happy to send you one and be part of your day."
Are you kidding me?? I'd been waiting to hear back from them, politely checked in, and NOW they'd be "happy to send me" a quote? After insinuating that you were busy but working on it? Needless to say I went with another vendor, and it was for the best because the one who I ended up with was an absolute dream to work with from start to finish.
There's also the issue of certain vendors feeling like a "wedding machine" who work weddings every weekend, to the point where they don't make you feel special and grateful to have been considered to be a part of your big day, they make you feel like an item on a checklist. I definitely got this feeling touring venues, and communicating with certain people in the industry (but I NEVER felt this way working with the Joshua Wilton House, they're the best!)
3. Vendors will reject you
This one stinks - you get your heart set on the perfect florist, photographer, baker, etc. and excitedly contact them, only for them to inform you that they're already booked for the date that you need them. WHY?? The bright side is that a lot of vendors will provide you with comparable alternatives, which was very helpful for me in a few cases. You can also often get great recommendations from venues and photographers; since they deal with a lot of weddings, they've likely seen the best and the worst.
I will say, for every vendor that I had to use my second (or third, or fourth) choice for, I ended up being incredibly happy with who I booked and couldn't have imagined it any other way. Everything always works out for the best!
4. You'll have to turn vendors down
For some reason, I had SUCH a hard time with this! When you're researching vendors, many times they make you submit an inquiry before giving you pricing details. Sometimes, once they have your contact information, they won't stop calling or emailing you until you give them a hard no, even if you've never really corresponded. I know that most of them are used to getting "nos," but it made me feel so guilty! But you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and at the end of the day, you're the customer.
Getting married is going to automatically set people up for disappointment. Whether it's your random old coworker who assumed they'd get an invite, your cousin who insists that their three young kids should be invited to your adults-only wedding, or the in-law who thinks that they're the ultimate event planner and can't believe you won't take their decor suggestions, someone's going to get their feelings hurt. Try not to pay them any mind. The motto that you should be living by is "it's my day." Be considerate of people's feelings and opinions, but be firm about the fact that at the end of the day, the decision making is your job, and frankly, your right, especially if you're the one funding the wedding.
6. Plans will change
You might be certain about a particular wedding detail, no questions asked. However, you might be surprised when plans end up changing.
One example from my wedding is that we ended up switching the church to hold the ceremony in. Originally, we planned on having the ceremony in my home church which is on the same street as where the reception was being held and an easy walk. However, the capacity of the church is 400 people, and we were only planning on having a maximum of 90 guests (and ended up only having about 70), so we were worried that it would be too large for our guest count and seem vacant. There is an absolutely gorgeous (and smaller - seating about 200 people) church directly next to where we had our reception. My mom and I waltzed in one afternoon to look around and fell in love with the space. She called the secretary and as luck would have it, the church was available for our wedding date and they were willing to allow us to use it. It was the perfect, most beautiful place for our ceremony and I'm so glad everything worked out and we were able to have it there.
Another example was my hairstyle. If you read my post where I talked about my hair trials, then you know that I ended up having to completely change my vision on my wedding hairstyle based on my hair type and the stylist I ended up with. My hair stylist was the only person I hired for the wedding that I wasn't happy with, so while she was disappointing to work with, I'm pleased that that was the only major issue I had with a vendor/service person.
7. You'll get hung up on the littlest things
Throughout my wedding planning process, I prided myself on being the least bridezilla bride ever. I tried to only focus on details that mattered in the long run (quality of the photographer I chose, and things that guests would actually remember, like food). But once I got all of the major details handled, that opened my brain up to fixate on little things that in the end, truly didn't matter. I knew they didn't matter, but with nothing else to worry about and Pinterest to compare myself to, it was hard not to let myself get control-freaky as I got down to the wire. Just remember: reality check yourself before your wreck yourself. Drink a glass of champagne. Chill out. Set a reminder in your phone if you have to. No one's gonna nitpick the table numbers you use or the font you choose for your seating chart (cough, Laura, cough).
8. People will come out of the woodwork with opinions
...And half of them will wait til the eleventh hour to do so. I truly couldn't believe some of the things that people suggested to me, including (but NOT limited to) altering the entire rehearsal dinner and reception menus based on a self-diagnosed (doctor debunked) allergy, or expanding the guest count to include every distant relative and family friend that we haven't heard from in years to the point that we would have to seat people outside on the porch of the reception venue. Like I said in #5, the bride and groom should be allowed to make the final decision on everything regarding the wedding. Consider people's opinions (even if you're just pretending to), but ultimately go with what you want.
9. People won't RSVP
This annoyed me SO much! Like, I'm sending you an RSVP card with an addressed and stamped envelope, all you have to do is drop it in the mail within a several week period. What's so hard about that?? Worst case scenario, you'll have to check up with people to see whether or not they're planning on coming, but it will always feel like you shouldn't have to.
10. You'll wish you had eloped
This one is kind of a joke, but the feeling is very real at certain points in the wedding planning process. I haven't talked to one person who didn't have this thought cross their mind at least a few times during the wedding planning process. Between the cost, the drama, and the bumps in the road you'll encounter, it will sometimes feel like you should cancel everything and fly out to the Caribbean. Just know that once it's all over, everything will have been worth it and you'll have the best memories with all of your friends and family for everyone to cherish forever.
Okay I'm done, no more wedding planning negativity! If you're in the midst of planning your wedding, I hope you found this helpful, or were at least glad to have someone to relate to! Wedding planning is stressful, and while I consider myself to have been a very laid back bride, I still butted heads with people a few times throughout the planning process. Just remember, it's only for a short season of your life, and it'll all be more than worth it in the end!
xoxx, Laura
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